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Why Doesn't She?

I self injured today. Tomorrow is the worst holiday of the year for me. I'm in love with my best friend but she doesn't see me that way. I'm still in love with her. I know I should move on but I can't.....

I guess not a lot of people have or is experiencing this. Oh well. I sometimes feel like dying but I know I can't. Which is one of the reasons I cut. At least I've calm down from crying.


Being a girl who likes other girls is really bad huh? Everyone promotes girl and boy relationships so....maybe I'm abnormal. Maybe I should die. But I can't. My mother said she wouldn't be able to go on living. She does'nt know I"m cutting again. No one does. Except for my sister but she hasn't said anything about it since I told her back in December. Maybe she forgot. Maybe its better that way.

I'm glad to get my feelings out here.

How I dread tomorrow. How I wish tomorrow would never come.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 14th, 2007 06:54 am (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear that tomorrow sucks for you. Myself being a gay male- I CAN understand a bit of what you are going through. I always loved my best friends as well.

I don't even call V-day a holiday because it really isn't. It's a time for lies and falsehoods.

I noticed that you were listening to Sarah B...she is LOVE of mine. a BIIIG love :]

I hope you can feel better in the future... take care, ok?
Feb. 14th, 2007 08:38 pm (UTC)
I had a huge crush on this girl last year, who was my friend for like 3 years, but when I told her how I felt I got major rejection. Not like an angry type (she doesn't have anything against homosexuality) but more like a distant one. She thought I would get over her if she ignored me but that only made things worse. A lot of drama happened because my ex became best friends with her...now I don't talk to either of them. It sucks since my feelings completely ruined my friendship with her. My advice: find out her sexuality but it's a major risk if you decide to deal with her. Are you willing to ruin that friendship? You just have to learn to get over her. Don't confuse friendship for love.
Good Luck!
Feb. 20th, 2007 04:23 am (UTC)
I'm not confusing friendship with love. I think I know when I'm in love.

But...now that you mention it, I am trying to get over her. However I'm not planning on looking for someone anymore. I give up. Love is too much to handle. Plus I have to concentrate on school right now.

I...just don't care anymore.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )


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