I was an active member of this community three or four years ago. I made many friends here, and helped and was helped by many. i'm sure some old-timers may remember me.
I wanted to post now to say that my life is wonderful. and that anyone else who struggles with this addiction can leave it behind and start anew.
s/i is not the only addiction i've had to overcome. I'm working through problems with drinking, smoking pot, and playing world of warcraft (YES that game is mad addictive, dont underestimate it.) I dont consider myself cured, but i'm clean, sober, and happy.
i discovered that all addictions are almost the same. when enough isnt enough, we do more, be it cutting, drinking, sex, whatever. the last time i drank, i ran out before i was satisfied with my drunk, so i cut. everything i did in my addictions, i did to an extreme.
the point is this: the thing that helps me stay clean is connection to others who share my problems. if i can help someone get another day of clean time, it's more of a blessing to me than almost anything. i'm in contact with other alcoholics and addicts, but it's time i start giving to those who suffer from my first addiction. and since this group is the first place i truly started to connect, and seek recovery from it, i choose here.
i am here. to talk, to listen, to do what i can. anytime you need me, i'm here if i can possibly be.
phone: more than happy to give it out, but contact me privately for it.
- Current Location:dorm
- Current Mood: numb
- Current Music:12 Stones Running at of Pain
~ I'll make 2 full layouts (layout/icon/etc.) for the person to get the most new active members
~ I'll make a full layout for the second place person
~ I'll make 5 icons for the third place person
I really missed this community and everyone in it. Hope all is well and keep posting!!
♥ x 420693093141983
Images must have the name of the creator on it somewhere not to huge, it must have the theme of the website whether it be Angels, self-harm, eating disorders or anything else you may see as linked to these things. There can be writing also such as poetry or prose not just art. Also the images or writing must have the name of the website at the bottom right corner maybe even a watermark.
These images will be sent to me or more than likely put up here and the go on to be put up on Guardian angels.
my email is email@example.com
and the address of the website is the following.
also comment here if you wish to take part.
- Current Mood: chipper
I am silent to the rest of the world as i scream bearly anyone looks at me. Becasue bearly anyone has a dream anymore. This world is so full of pain, and corruption that not one person can have the right or the will to dream anymore. It pains me. I drept, i drept that the world would be free of pain but i knew my dream was insane and unprofessional of me. So i stopped dreaming. Only heros and dreamers have the right to bleed and hurt. Just my opinion. You have yours i have mine.Does this make me wrong? Because i feel wrong. I feel empty, lonley, cold, and disgusting. What is this thing in side me, why does it beat so loudly in my ears. Am i that afriad all the time? Am i?
I scream louder to drown out its loud beating. Thump, thump thump
Only dreamers can hear me now.
- Current Mood: apathetic
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
When the rest of Heaven was blue
Of a demon in my view.
All but one of the last six days I have been completely alone when not at work, with no one on or off line to talk to. The one day people were here, it was a crowd here for gaming and I had not choice but to put on the happy face a pretend I was fine. Other than that slight interlude, I've had nothing but blood, pain and alchohol to ease my despair. I've lasted so far, but I'm afraid I might be becoming an alchoholic again. I doubt I'll have the will to defeat that demon a second time. I don't work tomorrow so I won't need to drink myself to sleep tonight. Hopefully I'll be able to leave the bottle alone. I can't afford to lose any more blood, so I guess that will leave me truly alone tonight. Heh. This is my life. Good to the last drop...
- Current Mood: discontent
- Current Music:System of a Down - "Lonely Day"
I guess not a lot of people have or is experiencing this. Oh well. I sometimes feel like dying but I know I can't. Which is one of the reasons I cut. At least I've calm down from crying.
Being a girl who likes other girls is really bad huh? Everyone promotes girl and boy relationships so....maybe I'm abnormal. Maybe I should die. But I can't. My mother said she wouldn't be able to go on living. She does'nt know I"m cutting again. No one does. Except for my sister but she hasn't said anything about it since I told her back in December. Maybe she forgot. Maybe its better that way.
I'm glad to get my feelings out here.
How I dread tomorrow. How I wish tomorrow would never come.
- Current Mood: sad
- Current Music:This Love - Sarah Brightman
- Current Location:DORM DEBATING CHOICES
- Current Mood: DEPRESSED BEYOND BELIEF
- Current Music:Its wierd but it aint on...to depressed to care
anywho, I was a member here about a year or two ago, and I stopped posting and basically dropped out all together because I haven't self injured in about a year and a half. I am a seinor in highschool now, I went to a mental hospital my soph. year for attempted suicide/homicidal thoughts/self injury. There I was diagnosed with manic depression, and basically it is heridatary in my family. Everything was going pretty smooth up until as of late, and really this is why I joined again.
I haven't self injured yet again. The thought has been on my mind now for a good month or so to go back to it. I hate talking about this to my friends because they have enough to worry about, and I don't want to come off as depressed or anything like that to them. I'm sure they don't want to hear it. My family on the other hand will not deal with me going back to therapy or anything like that, never the less will I bring it up to them. I'm not really too sure why my mood has been so darastic lately, but I'm thinking its just watching everything get old or something. I'm sure most of you know how it is to not know exactly what you are thinking about, you just know it bothers you. Or that you are so deep in thought about so many different subjects that you can not choose which one makes you feel which way. I'm really frustrated right now but I don't want to see myself cry, and I definately do not want to talk to any person about this that I know. I can't let people see that I've gone back. I think the best thing for me to do right now is just talk to you guys.
thanks for your time, katy.
- Current Location:Room
- Current Mood: creative
- Current Music:"I'll Be" // Edwin McCain
He the one who loves all and died for our sin
he the all forgiven who forgives all
He who is big, but we are small
He will never gives us more than we can take
He will make us learn from our mistakes
He, I should Trust with all my soul
And yet somehow I feel so cold
For deep inside I have a pain an ache a longing for peace
I wait in agony for my life to take ease
I seem to be walking in the wrong direction
Somewhere I headed towards A confusing connection
You call, you wait , Jesus you want me so bad
You cry my tears, you hurt because Im sad
You bleed my blood you see my scars
Each little line a canticle of my soul in bloody bars
Dear God I pray to you that you would get me back in wack
For right now my life is Pitch Black
- Current Location:Dorm
- Current Music:WDJC Online
that being said, i'll get to my point.
i am a photography major at point park university in pittsburgh, pa. i have a documentary class this semester. i want my big project to be on self-injury and the people behind the scars. my problem is, i need volunteers to be photographed. I am willing to travel, but it depends on how far. my goal is to photograph you in your environment (i.e. place of peacefulness, your school grounds, a place that triggers you, your home - although i completely understand how weird that may sound coming from a stranger on myspace).
if any body can help me out, i would greatly appreciate it.
ps, there are some pictures that i've taken in the blogs on my myspace. if you want to check it out to see that i am legit, they are there. keep in mind, though, that the pictures i plan to take will not be in a "senior portrait" style (like the portraits that are on there), rather a documentarian style. just think photojournalism meets art.
- Current Mood: artistic
I've gotten depressed once again and feel horrible. I hide it from my family and people at school so they don't get suspicious but I do go through mood swings from time to time.
- Current Mood: sad
- Current Music:Room of Angel - Silent Hill 4
- Current Location:campus
- Current Mood: suicidal
- Current Music:Tourniquet
- Current Location:carmicheal library
- Current Mood: random
- Current Music:keyboard typing
i'm not going into.
i opted not to get drunk.
i'm fine now.
i hope everyone else is better than me.
- Current Mood: contemplative
I think a new layout, and other graphics are in order. As well as incentives to get more people to join...like new layouts for the top three members to get active users to join? Or somethign along those lines? Lettme know.
- Current Location:Roooooom
- Current Mood: contemplative
- Current Music:Discovery Health on TV
- Current Music:my dog chewing
- Current Location:my kitchen table
- Current Mood: lonely
I started cutting when I was 16. I am now 34. Prior to getting into recovery, the longest I'd been able to go without cutting was about a month and a half.
I recently opened a new self-injury recovery journal, selfinjuryanon. Please feel free to come by and check it out - anyone is welcome to join. I want this to be a safe, supportive place for people to come together and share their experiences.
I don't post about my new community to be obnoxious - I post because I'm proud of the recovery I've found, how long I've gone without hurting myself, and I want to help other people. I'm proud of the members of my new community, and the way that they are opening up to themselves, to one another, and how they are reaching for help, and reaching out to help.
See, a couple years ago, I hit bottom. Hard. And when I looked around for help, I couldn't find anything, really. There was no "self-injury [or self-mutilation or cutters, or whatever] anonymous". I talked to therapists and people who worked in the recovery community, and they didn't know of anything. So I created this community to be a safe haven for people who self-injure. There are a lot of us, and we mostly feel so very alone.
But we're not alone. We have each other, and we can help each other get through this. We all know how tough it is, and we're learning how satisfying it is to make it through.
- Current Mood: contemplative
I'm thinking of making a documentary called "A Beautiful Disaster" about cutting and recovery. If anyone wants to contribute, lettme know. You can film yourself and send the tape into me or whatever. Just talk about how you started/why you continue/how you got better/etc. I dont have all the details worked out yet, so any ideas and/or suggestions are GREATLY appreciated.
Expect more graphics soon, LJ layouts, Myspace layouts, etc. etc. etc. in the next few weeks. I'm bored and really creative lately, so I figured I'd share wiht my favorite people. :D
- Current Location:My Bedroom
- Current Mood: awake
- Current Music:"Fergalicious" >> Fergie
- Current Mood: determined
Thanksgiving started out really bad but ended up great. mama was in a bad mood, but I went out with my cousin to a Spanish club until 2am. I met new people and danced. I had a lime margarita and I kissed a random guy...oops Well not exactly random. I met him once his name is Hugo. he is mexican and he is my age. It just kinda happened...I got felt up by some drunks at the club they kept touching all over me and crap while we were dancing and I told them to stop and they didn'tbut the sercurity guard got them. I am speneding the night with my cousin and we are up listening to Cumbia music and acting crazy, and yes I did some things tonight that I shouldn't have but atleast I am not at home. I Am babysitting Dillan and Dustin right now. No they aren't twins. They are my 4 and 6 yr old mexican/black cousins. They are brothers. I think I am going to the club tomorrow. I might see Hugo. I am worried that if we do start gettiwng serious he will see my arms and my cuts and scars and not like me. I am really scared...but hopefully it will all work out for the better. I am so ready for school. I miss everybody.
- Current Location:Jina's Apartment
- Current Mood: content
- Current Music:Kumbia King
- Current Mood: thankful