?

Log in

No account? Create an account
umm im new, 15 and a cutter. i don't usually talk much unless i know you but ya. im jade but i go by alexis, but eaither is fine. ummmm ya.

Hello

I'm dave. I'm a salf-injuring addict/alcoholic.
I was an active member of this community three or four years ago. I made many friends here, and helped and was helped by many. i'm sure some old-timers may remember me.
I wanted to post now to say that my life is wonderful. and that anyone else who struggles with this addiction can leave it behind and start anew.
s/i is not the only addiction i've had to overcome. I'm working through problems with drinking, smoking pot, and playing world of warcraft (YES that game is mad addictive, dont underestimate it.) I dont consider myself cured, but i'm clean, sober, and happy.
i discovered that all addictions are almost the same. when enough isnt enough, we do more, be it cutting, drinking, sex, whatever. the last time i drank, i ran out before i was satisfied with my drunk, so i cut. everything i did in my addictions, i did to an extreme.
the point is this: the thing that helps me stay clean is connection to others who share my problems. if i can help someone get another day of clean time, it's more of a blessing to me than almost anything. i'm in contact with other alcoholics and addicts, but it's time i start giving to those who suffer from my first addiction. and since this group is the first place i truly started to connect, and seek recovery from it, i choose here.
i am here. to talk, to listen, to do what i can. anytime you need me, i'm here if i can possibly be.
email: xlacquerhead@aol.com
aim: xlacquerhead
phone: more than happy to give it out, but contact me privately for it.

silenced emotional overflow

Well, its been a while since I have been in this community. I needed place to let lose some of my emotions. I have been being silent for about 3 days about my emotions because I let it known to a couple of friends that I had slipped up and cut and that sometimes I make myself throw up and I got turned in to housing. I am now on "dorm probation" for trying to commit suicide which I did in January, self-injury and other bodily harms which are labeled as "disorderly conduct". I am now at a standstill I don't know who to talk to. I have started back drinking. Last night I was drunk and I did somethings that I don't know who to talk to about it and now that emotion has been added to all of my other silenced emotions and I am confused and I want to cut but I don't want to cut. I need a way to released my emotions but I am not sure what to do....thus the title silenced emotional overflow...



HEY Y'ALL

~ I'll be making a new layout
~ I'll make 2 full layouts (layout/icon/etc.) for the person to get the most new active members
~ I'll make a full layout for the second place person
~ I'll make 5 icons for the third place person

I really missed this community and everyone in it. Hope all is well and keep posting!!

♥ x 420693093141983

ashh

Guardian Angels art.

For the new and improved and also updated Guardian angels Website i would love anyone whom so desires to draw, take photos or make manips to be put up on the website gallery.

Images must have the name of the creator on it somewhere not to huge, it must have the theme of the website whether it be Angels, self-harm, eating disorders or anything else you may see as linked to these things. There can be writing also such as poetry or prose not just art. Also the images or writing must have the name of the website at the bottom right corner maybe even a watermark.

These images will be sent to me or more than likely put up here and the go on to be put up on Guardian angels.

my email is eyelinerandscars@hotmail.co.uk

and the address of the website is the following.

http://www.freewebs.com/guardianangelswithwingsofgold/

Thank you.

also comment here if you wish to take part.

Xchloe

Only dreamers

Only dreamers can hear me now
I am silent to the rest of the world as i scream bearly anyone looks at me. Becasue bearly anyone has a dream anymore. This world is so full of pain, and corruption that not one person can have the right or the will to dream anymore. It pains me. I drept, i drept that the world would be free of pain but i knew my dream was insane and unprofessional of me. So i stopped dreaming. Only heros and dreamers have the right to bleed and hurt. Just my opinion. You have yours i have mine.Does this make me wrong? Because i feel wrong. I feel empty, lonley, cold, and disgusting. What is this thing in side me, why does it beat so loudly in my ears. Am i that afriad all the time? Am i?
I scream louder to drown out its loud beating. Thump, thump thump
Only dreamers can hear me now.

"Alone" - Edgar Allan Poe

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
When the rest of Heaven was blue
Of a demon in my view.





All but one of the last six days I have been completely alone when not at work, with no one on or off line to talk to. The one day people were here, it was a crowd here for gaming and I had not choice but to put on the happy face a pretend I was fine. Other than that slight interlude, I've had nothing but blood, pain and alchohol to ease my despair. I've lasted so far, but I'm afraid I might be becoming an alchoholic again. I doubt I'll have the will to defeat that demon a second time. I don't work tomorrow so I won't need to drink myself to sleep tonight. Hopefully I'll be able to leave the bottle alone. I can't afford to lose any more blood, so I guess that will leave me truly alone tonight. Heh. This is my life. Good to the last drop...

Stumbling Blocks

It is hard to fight the urge to cut.

Stumbling blocks

BACK in BLACK

Well, I changed the layout and I want to get this community back on track. Let's see who can get the most new active members! I will be awarding prizes in the form of graphics to the top three. :D

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day



Why Doesn't She?

I self injured today. Tomorrow is the worst holiday of the year for me. I'm in love with my best friend but she doesn't see me that way. I'm still in love with her. I know I should move on but I can't.....


I guess not a lot of people have or is experiencing this. Oh well. I sometimes feel like dying but I know I can't. Which is one of the reasons I cut. At least I've calm down from crying.


*Sigh*



Being a girl who likes other girls is really bad huh? Everyone promotes girl and boy relationships so....maybe I'm abnormal. Maybe I should die. But I can't. My mother said she wouldn't be able to go on living. She does'nt know I"m cutting again. No one does. Except for my sister but she hasn't said anything about it since I told her back in December. Maybe she forgot. Maybe its better that way.


I'm glad to get my feelings out here.


How I dread tomorrow. How I wish tomorrow would never come.

CAN THE RAZORS EVEN HELP????....

I don't know how to deal with the problems. Its all coming at once. All in two days...My boyfriends cheats on me I skipped classses my grades are high but not good enough. My parents hate me and if you name I probably can do. Want to cut. I really just want to die...just can't do got siblings whom I love and care for. i am so confused. Somebody help me Please So much stress. COuld this be the end. I was once told that once you hit bottom theres no where to go but up but I feel as if I am in a bottomless pit. There;s nothing to grab on to. Will the razors even help this time...?????...????

just pondering...

hello everybody. I have a quick background I would like to get out of the way pretty quick if you care to read. I am new to this community. Kindof.

anywho, I was a member here about a year or two ago, and I stopped posting and basically dropped out all together because I haven't self injured in about a year and a half. I am a seinor in highschool now, I went to a mental hospital my soph. year for attempted suicide/homicidal thoughts/self injury. There I was diagnosed with manic depression, and basically it is heridatary in my family. Everything was going pretty smooth up until as of late, and really this is why I joined again.

I haven't self injured yet again. The thought has been on my mind now for a good month or so to go back to it. I hate talking about this to my friends because they have enough to worry about, and I don't want to come off as depressed or anything like that to them. I'm sure they don't want to hear it. My family on the other hand will not deal with me going back to therapy or anything like that, never the less will I bring it up to them. I'm not really too sure why my mood has been so darastic lately, but I'm thinking its just watching everything get old or something. I'm sure most of you know how it is to not know exactly what you are thinking about, you just know it bothers you. Or that you are so deep in thought about so many different subjects that you can not choose which one makes you feel which way. I'm really frustrated right now but I don't want to see myself cry, and I definately do not want to talk to any person about this that I know. I can't let people see that I've gone back. I think the best thing for me to do right now is just talk to you guys.

thanks for your time, katy.
I cut again. I failed I will never get better.

ATTENTION ALL MEMBERS

OK everyone. I need EVERYONE to submit THEIR "beautiful disaster" to me. A picture of something tragically beautiful. Okay, thanks. Reply back to this post. If you need any help, let me know either here or on aim (ThisGreatDiviide) or via MySpace (myspace/a2k_)

A canticle of my soul by Shernina

He the one over all, the one my dreams and trust are within
He the one who loves all and died for our sin
he the all forgiven who forgives all
He who is big, but we are small
He will never gives us more than we can take
He will make us learn from our mistakes
He, I should Trust with all my soul
And yet somehow I feel so cold
For deep inside I have a pain an ache a longing for peace
I wait in agony for my life to take ease
I seem to be walking in the wrong direction
Somewhere I headed towards A confusing connection
You call, you wait , Jesus you want me so bad
You cry my tears, you hurt because Im sad
You bleed my blood you see my scars
Each little line a canticle of my soul in bloody bars
Dear God I pray to you that you would get me back in wack
For right now my life is Pitch Black
my name is sarah. i, myself, have been a cutter for about 7 years or so now. i suffer from depression and have suffered from eating disorders in the past.

that being said, i'll get to my point.

i am a photography major at point park university in pittsburgh, pa. i have a documentary class this semester. i want my big project to be on self-injury and the people behind the scars. my problem is, i need volunteers to be photographed. I am willing to travel, but it depends on how far. my goal is to photograph you in your environment (i.e. place of peacefulness, your school grounds, a place that triggers you, your home - although i completely understand how weird that may sound coming from a stranger on myspace).

if any body can help me out, i would greatly appreciate it.


sarah


ps, there are some pictures that i've taken in the blogs on my myspace. if you want to check it out to see that i am legit, they are there. keep in mind, though, that the pictures i plan to take will not be in a "senior portrait" style (like the portraits that are on there), rather a documentarian style. just think photojournalism meets art.

Hello

Hi I am new here. I started self injuring after I started sophmore year. I started to get stressed and began cutting my arms. my mom found out and sent me to phsychiatrist. I didn't cut for almost year from december 2005 to december 2006. But in December 2006 I broke the chain and cutted again. I am a junior now.

I've gotten depressed once again and feel horrible. I hide it from my family and people at school so they don't get suspicious but I do go through mood swings from time to time.

SHIT SHIT

So, I posted like y esterday or something and you know what I messed up today. I went to turn in the rest of the stuff for my damn FAFSA and they told me that I had been dropped from my classes. They said that maybe by friday I would be back in so you know what I did today...**drum roll please** da da dada dad ddadd...I cut. Ta DA. I am just so great aint i and I apparently have so much control over my damn life. I feel like I am so wasting my time with this college crap. Poor people can't go to college apparently. I officially suck. Everytime I get somewhere I fail at it. Should i just give up Or something.

Back in school

Well I am back in school I am really sorry I haven't posted in a while. It just that I have been having these wacky mood swings and I have been so busy and everything. I was writing just to let you all know that I am currently doing okay. I have only cut once in the last 20 days. I haven't killed myself or tryed to. I am glad to be back on campus. I really missed my friends. I have 5 classes. I have 2 new majors: Math and Spanish. I like them. I am living on campus in hanson and I like it. I have made a lot of new friends. I have some who left campus while I was suspended from school...like Nick...I miss him because the bcm seems different with our drummer and without the old RAs...not saying that I hate the new ones they are awesome to. Got to go ADios

seems to be the thing to do

post an entry to say i fuckked up
&my reason.
i'm not going into.
i opted not to get drunk.
yeah..
i'm fine now.

whatever.

i hope everyone else is better than me.

Hey now, listen up

Let's get this community back to the top!
I think a new layout, and other graphics are in order. As well as incentives to get more people to join...like new layouts for the top three members to get active users to join? Or somethign along those lines? Lettme know.

-Ashh
has anyone here ever gotten stitches for a self inflicted cutt? if so did they just stitch you up or did they admit you to the psychiatric ward? i cutt myself really bad 3 nights ago. it hasnt healed. at all. i know i need stitches. but i dont want to be locked up. im not suicidal. and i really dont cutt myself that much (1-2 times a week sometimes not even that) and i especially dont want to be locked up for christmas. but im in pain and it's in such a place that i cant make up a story. its on my wrist by a bunch of scars. so. someone please help. thanks in advance.

turns out.......

that i don't have to cut myself to make myself feel better i can actually scratch myself untill my skin is raw and i am some what bleeding!!!! i got my nails done. i was frustrated the other day and depressed starting dazing off starting scratching then all of sudden it started to hurt and my skin against my nails started to make a squicking(sp?)noise. i stopped now there is a scab and my best friend doesn't trust me when i scratch myself. point is i still doesn't make anything feel better. thought i found a new way to cope....guess i was wrong!

i've been caught!!!

so i cut myself last...my lil secret right? well wrong my ex found it. we made a promise with each other that we wouldn't cut ourselves any more but i couldn't help it. i was sad, lonely, and depressed. its not like any one was there to stop me. my hidden razor was calling my name. it felt so right at the time and now she is upset with me, which makes me feel like shit. if only i did it somewhere where she wouldn't have seen it but no stupid me does it on my shoulder. what the hell was i thinking now she is upset upstairs probably talking about me to her new gf. oh well shit happens. i can't help it. this is a drug that i just can't quit. i am sorry. that's all i can say is i am sorry for making bad decisions.
hello i just joined this community. well i have been cutting myself since i was a freshman in highschool..i am now 22yrs old. its been the hardest thing to stop. i do it when no is looking or paying attention. i don't want anyone to notice so i hide. when i am caught i feel ashamed that they found my secret. i have made soooo many promises to stop but i just can't. this is the hardest thing to control. after cutting myself about an hour ago i run my fingers over my scabs and wonder if it can go deeper but i really don't feel like cleaning up the mess. this is something that has gone beyond my control. i have gone to threapy but it doesn't help i tried meds made me want to die. now i am just natural dealing with my feelings by actually talking and crying (that took a lot of guts to do). i cut when i don't feel anymore emotion, when i am angry at my self, when i am frustrated and when i am bored. i look at my scars and realize they aren't sexy but i don't do it for a sex appeal. i do it for me. to make myself feel better. does it work? sometimes. sometimes i just want to keep doing it till i don't feel anything at all. well i must go for the fact that i am exhausted and cold. goodnight.
Hi. My name is Calli (musecalliopeia), and I am now 23 months clean of cutting!

I started cutting when I was 16. I am now 34. Prior to getting into recovery, the longest I'd been able to go without cutting was about a month and a half.

I recently opened a new self-injury recovery journal, selfinjuryanon. Please feel free to come by and check it out - anyone is welcome to join. I want this to be a safe, supportive place for people to come together and share their experiences.

I don't post about my new community to be obnoxious - I post because I'm proud of the recovery I've found, how long I've gone without hurting myself, and I want to help other people. I'm proud of the members of my new community, and the way that they are opening up to themselves, to one another, and how they are reaching for help, and reaching out to help.

See, a couple years ago, I hit bottom. Hard. And when I looked around for help, I couldn't find anything, really. There was no "self-injury [or self-mutilation or cutters, or whatever] anonymous". I talked to therapists and people who worked in the recovery community, and they didn't know of anything. So I created this community to be a safe haven for people who self-injure. There are a lot of us, and we mostly feel so very alone.

But we're not alone. We have each other, and we can help each other get through this. We all know how tough it is, and we're learning how satisfying it is to make it through.

This beat I'm bangin' is delicious

I made little blinkies for everyone. Custom colours are available, just tell me what three colours you'd like. Hex codes would be helpful if you know them.

I'm thinking of making a documentary called "A Beautiful Disaster" about cutting and recovery. If anyone wants to contribute, lettme know. You can film yourself and send the tape into me or whatever. Just talk about how you started/why you continue/how you got better/etc. I dont have all the details worked out yet, so any ideas and/or suggestions are GREATLY appreciated.

Expect more graphics soon, LJ layouts, Myspace layouts, etc. etc. etc. in the next few weeks. I'm bored and really creative lately, so I figured I'd share wiht my favorite people. :D

Love ya's


1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

post.

hi
it's been like forever; 6months easily since i've been on. i've been reading, just not posting//commenting.



yeah; i'll get back soon =]
love you all &i beleive in every single on of you (L)

My Recent Backslide

I posted the following to my personal LJ the other day but no one responded. Evidently none of my mutual friends actually read my journal which is truly depressing when I'm truly trying to reach out for someone. That's what prompted me to join this community. Please someone read it and post something supportive or empathetic (for the short version go to my LJ home page). Thanks.

http://ladyelainelvgd.livejournal.com/4988.html

Thanksgiving and Beyond

Before Thanksgiving I was depressed like the day proceeding it. I cut twice in three days. I was suicidal and had to call a friend who talked me out of Overdosing.
Thanksgiving started out really bad but ended up great. mama was in a bad mood, but I went out with my cousin to a Spanish club until 2am. I met new people and danced. I had a lime margarita and I kissed a random guy...oops Well not exactly random. I met him once his name is Hugo. he is mexican and he is my age. It just kinda happened...I got felt up by some drunks at the club they kept touching all over me and crap while we were dancing and I told them to stop and they didn'tbut the sercurity guard got them. I am speneding the night with my cousin and we are up listening to Cumbia music and acting crazy, and yes I did some things tonight that I shouldn't have but atleast I am not at home. I Am babysitting Dillan and Dustin right now. No they aren't twins. They are my 4 and 6 yr old mexican/black cousins. They are brothers. I think I am going to the club tomorrow. I might see Hugo. I am worried that if we do start gettiwng serious he will see my arms and my cuts and scars and not like me. I am really scared...but hopefully it will all work out for the better. I am so ready for school. I miss everybody.
It's Thanksgiving, and I'm letting everyone I care about that I am very thankful for them and their presence in my life.

Thank you.

Love,

Calli
Hey all. I used to cut a lot. I cut my wrist, like a lot of people, but didn't do it so much for the attention and cut a lot of places. I cut a lot because it made me feel good and because I thought it helped me. Sometimes, I get this unbelievable urge to do it again but I know I can't-it created too many issues. Certain things aren't worth self-mutilation. Add me as a friend, I'm happy to talk to anyone about it.

Blah. X-posted

i feel like i'm not myself anymore because my "issues" were such a big part of my identity.

Mod post

Made the community 100% open again.

Profile

Stars
0oabdo0
A Place For Self-Injurers
Extended Info

Moderators / Administrators

A2K - a2k_

Connie = [Unknown LJ tag]

Latest Month

November 2008
S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30      

Syndicate

RSS Atom
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by chasethestars